I owe my first orgasm in life to Will Ferrell.
(How hilarious is that sentence.)
(How hilarious is that sentence.)
My parents never talked to me about sex. And I'm pretty sure they aren't waiting for my 23rd birthday to do so. Fortunately, I spent my first year of junior high at Ryan Middle School, a public school filled with sexually educated twelve year olds who seemed to know everything that I did not. That year, my little virgin ears ease dropped on every sex related conversation that occurred between the hours of 9:30AM-4:00PM.
"He fingered her in the hallway on their way to gym class…"
"I heard she went down on him."
After hearing these terms thrown around for weeks, I still had no clue what the fuck these baby sluts were talking about. Being an only child with no older siblings to ask, I had no choice but to consult the world wide web. It proved to be a promising venture because hours later, not only did I have a "firm grasp" on what an erection was, I was introduced to the foreign concept of the orgasm (ooooorgasm).
The only sex scene that was available to me was a fifteen second scene from A Night at the Roxbury. With my DVD remote in hand, and Pocahontas panties pulled to the side, I spent the next 30 minutes simultaneously replaying the scene, while my other hand had no clue what it was doing, or what was going to happen.
But, hey it happened.
Cue the fireworks, and consider this my official thank you to Will Ferrell for my first pair of Dirty Panties.
:)
:)
