There are just so many layers to this. But here I am. And damn is he sexy.

Einstein said "Now Besso [an old friend] has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us ... know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."

Just say 'this is temporary' every 5 seconds for the rest of yr life and you'll be fine.

My First Pair of Dirty Panties

I owe my first orgasm in life to Will Ferrell. 
(How hilarious is that sentence.)

My parents never talked to me about sex. And I'm pretty sure they aren't waiting for my 23rd birthday to do so. Fortunately, I spent my first year of junior high at Ryan Middle School, a public school filled with sexually educated twelve year olds who seemed to know everything that I did not. That year, my little virgin ears ease dropped on every sex related conversation that occurred between the hours of 9:30AM-4:00PM. 

"He fingered her in the hallway on their way to gym class…"

"I heard she went down on him."

After hearing these terms thrown around for weeks, I still had no clue what the fuck these baby sluts were talking about. Being an only child with no older siblings to ask, I had no choice but to consult the world wide web. It proved to be a promising venture because hours later, not only did I have a "firm grasp" on what an erection was, I was introduced to the foreign concept of the orgasm (ooooorgasm).  

The only sex scene that was available to me was a fifteen second scene from A Night at the Roxbury. With my DVD remote in hand, and Pocahontas panties pulled to the side, I spent the next 30 minutes simultaneously replaying the scene, while my other hand had no clue what it was doing, or what was going to happen. 

But, hey it happened. 

Cue the fireworks, and consider this my official thank you to Will Ferrell for my first pair of Dirty Panties.  

:)

All the Drugs I've Taken in Chronological Order, Pt 1 of 3

jk, drugs are bad.

:)

TWEETYO

• you have probably said "So twitter is basically just a bunch of status updates?" I beg to differ.
• you probably think RT means 'real talk'. It doesn't.
• on numerous occasions, you have probably used hashtags in your FaceBook statuses. I see you.
• you were the same person who swore they would never have a FaceBook account because it didn't have a 'Top 8'.

My most recent tweet was about how I wished @TacoBell delivered. I mean... how convenient can a drive-through be if I still have to leave the couch? 

This is a prime example of how anything is acceptable. Literally, anything. You can tweet whatever, whenever, however often. Just ask @AK_BMONEY. Guy averages about 15 tweets an hour. Without Twitter, how else would I have known two of my closest friends both bit their toenails as children?

Some of my favorite random/funny/weird/true/dumb/creepy/nasty/ gems we all think on a daily basis, only we get to share them!

Happy Friday Tweeps:)

Goodnight xx,

@OhhhJessicaa

Bad Dayssss

I do not have 'Bad Days', I have 'Bad Moments'. That's not to say things don't upset me. Believe me, things do. I just choose to not let them ruin my day. Whenever something bothers me, I allow myself five whole minutes to really let it get to me. After those 5 minutes are through, I'm done with it. That moment is over and I move on with my day. 60% of the time, it works every time.  In the off chance I'm still irritated, I've accumulated a list and/or things that are guaranteed to put a smile on my face. The list, in no particular order, includes:

1. Coffeeeee- Because sometimes you just need that sugar and caffeine fix.
2. Ordering pick-up from the Thai House. Mild Green Curry Chicken w/ Egg rolls.
3. Taking a "momentary life pause" aka a nap. Preferably one with no alarm set.
4. Have some sex, duh.
5. Calling my best friend. Full proof method that never fails.
6. Playing with an animal. <-- That sounds weird, but I read somewhere simply touching an animal scientifically makes you happier. If not, at least the pet is happier!
7. Showering. Because sometimes you just need to wash off that negativity.
8. Listening to "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John. Blueee Jeannn Babyyyyy ♫♪♫
9. Pinterest. Simply because it's an excellent distraction.
10. Watching my favorite movies. Lion King and The Titanic. If Simba and Jack Dawson can't make you happy I don't know what will!
11. Online shopping. But that's a no brainer, retail therapy can work wonders.
12. SleepSleepSleep. I know I've mentioned it already but it really can better any situation.
13. And if all else fails, spending time with my good friend mary jane. Because that usually leads nicely into #3.

. . . .

So, if you ever find yourself having a 'bad day'... feel free to try one of these. I highly suggest a combination of numbers 2 and 5. You'd be amazed at what a serving of green curry and a convo with your best friend can do! 

Happy Monday:) 

Just Because:)

"It's not all about the exterior-- it's about what's inside and about making yourself the best person you can be. And for me, thats being friendly and having great energy, because ultimately that's what will draw 

people to you."

:)